Well, I can't avoid it any longer. The day has come. I'm off to market. YEAAAAAAA! My feelings can be summed up in Trey's words when I told him I wouldn't see him for awhile. (Ask Kerri) I sure will miss those cutie-patooties. We're off

My Jesus, my Savior
Lord there is none like You
All of my days
I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty llove

My comfort, my shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath
All that I am
Never cease to worship You

Shout to the Lord All the earth Let us sing
Power and majesty Praise to the King
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands
Forever I'll love You forever I'll stand
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You

A wonderful Easter week-end! We celebrated Saturday with the family due to the fact that e.stetler had to work on Easter. Boo! But we had a great time. Then church with Mikey and Mike on Sunday followed by 18 holes of golf. It was supposed to rain but instead we enjoyed a gorgeous sunny day. Now begins the week before market. This market should be interesting as they all tend to be but all will be well. My husband just came home and announced that he had bought some new clothes for market. Well - I guess you know what I'll be doing tomorrow!!

Looking forward to a great Easter week-end. Seems like we just celebrated Christmas!! I had a date with another handsome guy yesterday. Yes, Trey and I went to Easton and enjoyed lunch at Max and Irmas and he made his build-a-bear. We made sure the bear was a different color than brother's . I am thanking God for an answer to prayer in our family. God doesn't always answer exactly the way we would think but it is always perfect. The future looks good with a new grandson and all kinds of things to look forward to. But I have learned that this "one day at a time" thing works pretty well for me. I have found some real peace living this way. I don't always accomplish it but most of the time I think I do o.k. I know I worry less than I ever have in my life. Maybe I'm just mellowing with my old age! Blessings to all on this Easter week-end.

Well, Riley put in a request for a date with Nana. I managed to clear my schedule to squeeze him in. (right!) We had such a fun day. Playing and lunch at McDonalds, watching the toy trains at Easton, visiting the Discovery Store, a quick "hello" to the Easter bunny and a walk through the Buckeye store. Then he took home a new friend from the Build-a-bear store with a spiderman costume just like his. I was wiped out at the end of this day but so much fun with my handsome little man. I'm sure a date with Trey will soon follow.

Well, this will be a first for me. I usually don't use this journal to rant but this morning I feel drawn to express myself. I just saw on T.V. a complete contradiction of who God is and what He is about. I was watching an interview with Rosie O'Donnell about her new documentary that is getting so much attention. She apparently invited gay families to take a cruise with her and her family. As they pulled out to sea there was a group of "christians" demonstrating against gay marriages. Screaming, pointing fingers, making their presence impossible to ignore. Then I listened to the rest of the interview. She talked very passionately about all the children in our foster system whose parents have terminally given up their rights to those children - 117,000 I believe was the number. She is full of compassion, just in my humble opinion wrong about her beliefs concerning sexuality. What makes me so emotional is that none of us are getting it right. I don't believe God is happy when we follow His laws but refuse to show His love in doing it. God help us all!!

They all walked away, with nothing to say,
They'd just lost their dearest friend.
All that He said, now He was dead,
So this was the way it would end.
The dreams they had dreamed were not what they'd seemed,
Now that He was dead and gone.
The garden the jail, the hammer, the nail,
How could a night be so long.

Then came the morning, night turned into day;
The stone was rolled away, hope rose with the dawn.
Then came the morning, shadows vanished before the sun,
Death had lost and life had won, for morning had come.

I am really glad to be starting a new week. Last week was not one I would like to re-live. Why is it that those seem to go on forever? Oh well, life goes on. I got back to the gym this morning and hopefully my normal flow will return. We got to spend some time with Riley, Trey and Kerri. That's always a good thing. I am giving a friends daughter a wedding shower Saturday. It should be fun. April is looking very hectic. I love Easter - everything new. Hope, that's what Easter gives us. Mark Palmer left some wonderful thoughts on hope; "Live your hope as if it is the one and only thing that sustains you in this ravaged world." I have learned that until we spend sometime in a place that makes us feel as if hope is all we have, we don't really understand how powerful hope can be. I'm looking forward to celebrating that hope in Jesus this Easter. Immediately after Easter we head for market I get back and leave for a visit with my sister. April will be gone before I know it.

Last night I had the privilege of feeding some hurting people. It seemed like such a small thing to do during a time of such grief. I mean bean salad!! Just wish I could have done more. Tonight I have my little ones so Kerri and Eric can be with their LP family during this time. As we were coming home from mac-n-cheese at Bob Evans, from the back I hear a stirring rendition of "God is Good" at the top of their lungs. Yea, it made me smile. So simple but so true - God IS good, ALL the time. Trying to answer 4 yr. old questions about death only makes me realize I don't have any answers. I don't understand it any better than he does. But I do know that because God is good, Mark is fine and the spring flowers will bloom and a baby will be born in June and Micah will grow and be strong. And when the next thing happens that we don't understand - God will still be good.

This prayer I pray for Amy, Micah, Mark's family, his LP family and all of us on this journey.

Almighty God, Lord of the storm and of the calm, of day and night, of life and death; grant to me so to have my heart stayed upon your faithfulness, your unchangingness and love, that whatsoever betides me, I may look upon You with untroubled eye. I ask it for thy mercy's sake Amen
George Dawson in Little Book of Prayers

I don't like myself very well right now. I let somebody down and I tried to fix it and there is nothing I can do. I'm sure there are a lot of lessons in this for me and I really hope I don't miss any of them. A new week. Hope I do better. Not much else to say.

Here I am
In a river of questions
Can I pour out my heart to a listening ear?
I see this life
It's valleys and mountains
And I think of all the roads that brought me here.

I've questioned my reasons
The life I'm living
I've questioned my ability
To judge wrong from right
I've questioned all the things that I've ever called certain
My race, my religion, my country, my mind!

But the one thing I don't question is You
You really love me like You say You do
You really love me like You say You do
Hold me
Hold me

I've questioned significance
Meaning and relevance
Does the work I'm doing really matter at all?
Well I've qustioned my friendships
Alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

Only one thing doesn't change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is Your love remains!!

Well, not the best week of my life but nothing I should complain too much about. It started out with my husband leaving for Fla. and for some reason I ended up at the doctor with a blood pressure count far too high. My fault - went off my meds. Then I picked up some kind of stomach flu I'm still wrestling with and finally got myself to the dentist after far too long. But today I spent time with some of my favorite people Riley, Trey and their Mommy. We went shopping for baby Evan, out to lunch and then I watched Monsters Inc. with my handsome four year old. Mike will be home tomorrow and I am really glad. Mikey and I will find a good place to watch OSU in the tournament. It will be a good day. I go to bed tonight praying for a lot of situations. On the top of my list is Mark and Amy and Micah. I have had times in my life that I could literally feel God's arms wrap around me. I pray that for them tonight. May God keep us all in His care.

Something isn't right with this picture. I'm ironing shorts and golf shirts for my husband to go on a golf trip. I am really jealous!! But I'm so glad he is able to go. He has worked so hard for so many years and finally he is being rewarded. I hope he has a great time. He leaves Saturday. I will just have to stay here and enjoy my wonderful kids and grandchildren. Gee, I have it rough don't I? Riley will be my date for the last OSU game Sunday. Everytime I talk to Trey on the phone he says, "Take me to the game Nana". I really wish I could. I hope we can get more seats next season. My wonderful son-in-law will be celebrating a birthday this week-end so I will treat him to dinner. Next week will be Jen's b-day - another celebration. Fun times!! Evan's big day will be here before we know it. I'm sure Kerri doesn't feel it is coming quick enough.

Another good week-end draws to a close. I enjoyed another OSU game with my husband. Boy that's fun. Especially when they win. GO BUCKS!!! Kerri, the boys, Jen, Mikey and Deanna spent the afternoon with us today. Mikey seems to be getting into the habit of Sunday being "Mom and Dad day". We had a relaxing time playing games, eating and just hanging out. Mom stopped by for a while too. Jen showed me how to buy songs to put on my IPOD I am going to treat myself to tomorrow. I need something to help pass the time on the cardio machines. I get really bored. I'll be shocked if I do it without another house call from good old Jen. She even hooked up Mike's X-em radio whatcha-call-it that he won at market. She is amazing. Looking forward to another week. Lots to do.

Back from Pittsburgh with my daughter. It was a very successful trip to IKEA. We returned with a new crib, changing table and comfy chair for mommy for feeding time. We had a really good time but I really need to confess something. I probably ate more crap than I have eaten in a long time. I really don't want to list everything because it was really bad. Just leave it that I didn't stick with the soup and salad at Olive Garden and I really, really love gourmet malted milk balls. Unfortunately, that was just the tip of the iceberg. But confession is good for the soul and the gym is good for the body, soooo off I go to put two days in Pittsburgh behind me. Mike is coming home today hopefully. I'm really glad!! And thanks Kerri for a fun time. If Eric asks me about your food choices I've got your back. Never fear. That's what Mom's are for.

I heard this song for the first time yesterday and it blew me away. I think we have all been here at one time or another. I've been praying for some people that are living this today. I just wanted to share these words

I was sure by now that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls I barely hear you whisper through the rain - "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You arae who You are no matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry, You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone, How can I carry on
If I can't find You?

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I thank God for His faithfulness even when we can't see His hand.

It is Sunday morning and I am praising God this morning. Mike and Mikey just left for a furniture market and as Mike was sharing his feelings about going to beautiful downtown Tupelo Mississippi, Mike quietly said, "I'm glad to be going to Tupelo, a year ago I was in jail and couldn't go anywhere." I tend to get lonely and feel sorry for myself when they are gone, but this trip I am so thankful that I have a son that is alive and on his way to market to work with his Dad. And I have a husband that is happy with his work and is sharing that with his son. So I will go to church this morning with a grateful heart.

I had a great Valentine Day. I spent part of the day with my two littlest valentines and of course my best friend - their Mommy. I was on my way home from dinner with my gorgeous husband and I was reminded of a love song that has always brought out feelings not so much for my husband but for the little boys in my life. Until you are a Nana, it is impossible to know what that kind of love feels like. This song tries to put it into words for me. So this is for Riley and Trey.

Have you ever been in love

You could touch the moonlight
When your heart is shooting stars
You're holding heaven in your arms
Have you ever been so in love

Have you ever walked on air
Ever felt like you were dreaming
When you never thought it could
But it really feels that good
Have you ever been so in love

Have you ever been in love
You could touch the moonlight
When your heart is shooting stars
You're holding heaven in your arms
Have you ever been in love

The time I spent waiting for something
That was heaven sent
When you find it don't let go
I know...

Some place that you ain't leaving
Somewhere your gonna stay
When you finally found the meaning
Have you ever felt this way

The time I spent waiting for something
That was heaven sent
When you find it don't let go
I know...

Cause have you ever been in love
So in love
You could touch the moonlight
You can even reach the stars
Doesn't matter near or far
Have you ever been so in love

I've been blessed with far more love than I deserve.

Some say love, it is a river,
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor,
That leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you, it's only seed.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking,
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking,
That never takes the chance.

It's the one, who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dying,
That never learns to live.

When the night, has been too lonely,
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only,
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember, in the winter,
Far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the suns love,
In the spring, becomes the rose.

Happy Valentine's Day