Well, another week. I really have decided to let God handle all the stuff going on right now. However, I really wanted part of the deal to be that I could sleep through until He worked all this out. It would be nice to just wake up on the other side of it. But... that doesn't seem to be possible soooooooo another week!! We had a beautiful service Sunday at church. My sister says she gets through times like this by looking back, back at God's faithfulness. I was reminded of this song yesterday.

"He's been faithful, faithful to me
Looking back his love and mercy I see
Though in my heart I have questioned and failed to believe
Still He's been faithful, faithful to me."

It's good to know that we don't always have to be on our "A" game with God. He understands that when we are going through the battle it is sometimes hard to stay strong. His faithfulness isn't determined by the strength of our faith. He's a good God and good things are happening.

My little ones will come see me tonight. Their smiles and hugs and kisses keep me going. I taped the basketball game for Riley but I really don't want to be reminded of that disappointment. Looks like I will have to find another team to cheer for in the tournament. Eric's job is going well. What an answer to prayer!! The adoption seems to be moving along and Nicole is healthy and feeling good. Dad is fairly content and Mom is keeping her head up and actually going to exercise classes. My mom doing yoga - wish I had seen that!!

"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Well, I'm still alive. That which does not kill me makes me stronger!! I feel like I am on autopilot. This particular valley could take a long time to get out of. I really feel like I am walking blindfolded. The assurance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen - FAITH. That is where I am living at the moment. I have no earthly idea of what is ahead - but He does. I can't plan, I can't count the days, I can't even peek around the corner and see the end.

My words for this day:

I was sure by now that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining
And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are, no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand -
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord - The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

Have a blessed day.

Well, it was a week ago tonight that my world fell apart again. But as I sit here having survived, my son has finally stopped living in denial and is seeking help for his problem. This is a true answer to prayer. I don't have a clue what he is going to have to face because of his choices he made this past week but I do know that God is working and it is finally being seen in his life.
We also found out today that our new little one is a boy. Yes, another boy will be born in July and I'm sure he will be another beautiful gift from God. I don't pretend to understand what it is but I am resting in the knowledge that God has a plan and we will see it unfold. I am so glad that this plan doesn't depend on me. All that is required of me is to pray and trust. Trust when we can't see where He is leading. I'm sure that when we are on the other side of all this, there will be NO doubt that God was the one that got us there. So I am praising Him in advance.

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty.

You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holdin' on
But I feel like givin' in
But still You're with me.

And even though I'm walkin' through
the valley of the shadow,
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
and I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me.

I know I'm broken
but You alone can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
but You said you'd see me through the storm

It happens every year, about the same time. I turn into a crank. I start complaining about the crappy weather, the flu bugs no one can seem to shake and the fact that we never see the sun. And then I realize; those aren't things worth complaining about. If that's the best I can do then I need to shut-up!! So..... today I ask for forgiveness and then I ask that I see the beautiful miracles that are around me everyday. I found this verse in one of my favorite books of the Bible. I'll share it -

"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength,
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Is. 40:28-31

We All Need

From a cardboard hovel in a darkened street
To the well-lit windows of a penthouse suite,
All are desperate souls with a human fate,
And we protect ourselves within the walls we make.
And I stand in a corner, now, in my house of rest
And bow my head, beat my breast and say,
"God, please forgive me for this sinner's heart!
Though You show me your mercy,
It's the same old story keeping us apart."
And we all feel lost sometimes,
And we all feel hurt inside,
And we all cry, and we all need
The redeeming love of Jesus.
And I was raised with the lessons and the victory speech,
And I fought for the standards that I could not reach,
And I hold my tongue when the pain is great,
And I cover my tears as we celebrate,
while a private war rages with the fear and the doubt,
As I try to run faster to find a way out
I'm convinced if I stumble they'll just cast me aside,
And mock at my weakness and shatter my pride.
'Cause I've watched as we've stoned the more hesitant soul.
So, we all must remember,
It's still God's grace we all need to know.
We all feel lost sometimes,
We all feel hurt,
and we all cry,
And we all need

It's been a while since my last post. I'm not sure why. It's just been rather quiet. But at the same time there is a lot going on. I'm just thinking, thinking about the future and how exciting yet uncertain it is. There will be a lot of changes in our family in 2008. I think of the things I am aware of now and suddenly I realize that there are many things that will happen that I'm not at all aware of today. It's just really good to know that God holds all the circumstances in His hands. I'm usually not at all content to stay home but lately that isn't true. I guess the cold and all the things running through my mind has made it easier. I've been praying a lot lately. Praying for the children that will be entering our family, the little one that will soon be born to my nephew and his wife, the little ones in Liberia who will be joining us very soon and the little one that will make my son a daddy this summer. WOW!! I pray for them all, these beautiful, lovely children given to us by God, entrusted to our care. I think of Riley and Trey going off to school and I see how quickly Evan is growing to be his own little person and I hope they grow up realizing that Nana's prayers will always be there for them. God help us to be the parents, grand-parents, aunts and uncles we need to be.

Well the Buckeyes lost and the sun came up. I wasn't a very faithful fan. I just couldn't bear to watch them get their butts beat. So now we can concentrate on basketball. I'm a little frustrated about far more important things. My dad continues to linger and it is getting more stressful by the day for my mom. There's just nothing there really but his body. I know he will be far happier once he gets to where he's going. But God reminded me a couple weeks ago that I'm not in control and I don't see things through His eyes. We just may have to make some decisions if it continues much longer and those won't be fun. He is getting very good care but it is very costly. I'm really trying to keep it in Gods hands.

My sister sent me this prayer at the beginning of a new year and I would like to post it here as a prayer for anyone that might be reading this. I need this as I enter 2008.

"I stand between the years. The Light of My Presence is flung across the year to come - the radiance of the Sun of Righteousness.
Backward, over the past year is My Shadow thrown,
hiding trouble and sorrow and disappointment.
Dwell not on the past - only on the present...
bury every fear of the future...of suffering, of loss.
Bury all thought of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes,
your resentments your sense of failure,
your disappointments in others and in yourself...
leave them all and go forward to a new and risen life.
Remember you must not see as the world sees. I hold the year in My Hands -
in trust for you.
But I will guide you one day at a time. Leave the rest with Me.
You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead.
And for each day I shall supply the wisdom
and the strength."

Have a blessed New Year.

Well, another beautiful Christmas. It had it's rough moments without my Dad but we had a good time together and he was doing well when we went to see him.
2008 - it hasn't even arrived yet and it promises to be quite eventful. I just needed to post one of my favorite quotes; one that has seen me through a lot of twists and turns in my life. And with it I pray for a very blessed New Year for you all.

"The next hour, the next moment, is as much beyond our grasp and as much in God's care, as that a hundred years away. Care for the next minute is just as foolish as care for the morrow, or for a day in the next thousand years - in neither can we do anything, in both God is doing everything."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

My pastor spoke a couple weeks ago about waiting on God. It seems as if there are a lot of areas of my life in which I am waiting to see God's hand. I was slightly frustrated the other day and I was telling Him that it would really be o.k. to take my Dad home to heaven. After all that's where he wants to be, what was He waiting on?! My mom went to visit him yesterday and his roommate started talking to her about my dad. He said, "your husband is the kindest, gentlest man of faith I have ever met. I sure wish I could be more like him." God doesn't always show us why His timing is what it is but in this case He was willing to give me a glimpse of how He was still using my dad and He just isn't finished with him here on earth. Sometimes through our earthly eyes it just doesn't make sense. But God's timing is always perfect. He is never late.

"Oh come let us adore Him". We sing this one all season. Once again, I borrow from others as I am not one that is able to compose beautiful, wise words but I do appreciate them.

"...the highest adoration is not occupied with the recollection of favors received and mercies extended, though they do help one be aware of the true nature of God. There is still, in all such recollection, a remnant of that self-centeredness which it should be the purpose of prayer to escape. In it, we are still thinking of God in terms of something done to me and for me. We never really adore Him, until we arrive at the moment when we worship Him for what He is in Himself, apart from any consideration of the impact of His Divine Selfhood upon our desires and our welfare. Then we love Him for Himself alone. Then we adore Him, regardless of whether any personal benefit is in anticipation or not. Then it is not what He has done for us or what we expect Him to do for us, but what He has been from eternity before we existed, and what He is not even if we were not here to need Him, and what He will be forever whether that "forever" includes us or not - it is that which captivates us and evokes from us the selfless offering of self in worship. That is pure adoration. Nothing less is worthy of the name." Albert Day

Father; may my life make your great heart glad today. Let me live in adoration, praise and gratitude for who you are and all you have come to mean to me. Amen

Another beautiful week-end. Happy birthday to my favorite 4 yr. old, Trey Ryan Stetler. I love this bundle of joy. He is such a handsome little guy and it is so obvious to me that he will have something very special to contribute to our world. We celebrated his birthday Transformer style. His smile is contagious and his personality is electric. He walks into a room and it lights up. Here is a picture of our Trey for you to enjoy. Happy Birthday big guy!!

It's been a while since I've posted but as you can guess I've been going a mile a minute. Some people would say I get obsessed with Christmas but, oh well... Last weekend I had the weekend from heaven. I spent two days with my husband and my two kids in Nashville Indiana. My favorite people and my favorite place. It was like deja vu. We have spent a lot of time in this special place, just the four of us and I never thought it would happen again. I get very melancholy this time of year, thinking about good times that have come and gone. Last weekend we went back and relived some of those memories. For me it was wonderful. I think we all had a great time. I love my family and nobody has a better husband or kids than I. I wish you all special times this holiday season and think about re-living some. You really can go back.

I thought I would share some special moments from our wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. Fun times, good memories and a family finally coming together again.

I just thought I would share some pictures from our wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. Fun times, good memories and a family finally coming together again.

What a beautiful Thanksgiving. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if my Dad had been able to be with us. Nevertheless, I thank God for all his blessings. Now it's time to get ready for Christmas. The tree must go up soon!!

Thanksgiving week. So much to be thankful for. So much to look forward to. The Oklahoma contingency is coming to town minus one major player. Unfortunately Ginger won't be with us. But she will be home taking care of a precious little bundle that we can't wait to welcome to the family. We will miss her. We also won't have my wonderful father around the table with us. He's just not able, it would be far too much for him. This will be the first holiday without him. He loved the holidays. Not a whole lot more to say about that. It kinda leaves me empty just thinking about him not being with us. I find myself wondering what next Thanksgiving will look like. Who will we have said good-bye to, who will we have said hello to. One, maybe two beautiful little girls from Liberia. Yes, as always a year will bring big changes, some I'm sure we don't even expect. So, for now I will enjoy today, this holiday season. May it be blessed.

I waited for you today
But You didn't show
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
You said You'd be there
and though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
so I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

You're here and I'm never alone

I have the most beautiful, precious family in the whole wide world!! My father is getting ready to move on to be with Jesus and my daughter and son-in-law are going to be bringing more joy into our family simply by obeying a call God has given them. It seems like we are going through so many emotions right now and I just keep trying to keep everything in God's hands. Help me Lord, to trust in your plan unconditionally. Thank you for using my wonderful grandsons to speak to me in such a beautiful way. I think the following words might be my Dad's testimony:

When I started my journey in fresh childlike trust
I believed that the Lord's way was best
I would read in His Word how He mothered the bird
And grieved when it fell from its nest
How I felt His delight when I chose to do right
And I prayed I would not make Him sad
We would meet on the way in the cool of the day
What a pure sweet communion we had.

The road I have traveled has sometimes been steep
Through wild jagged places of life
Sometimes I've stumbled and fallen so hard
That the stones cut my soul like a knife
But the staff of my Shepherd would reach out for me
And lift me to cool pastures green
With oil of the spirit anointing my wounds
There I'd rest by the clear healing stream

Oh but now more than ever I cherish the cross
More than ever I sit at His feet
All the miles of my journey have proved my Lord true
And He is so precious to me

And because of my Dad's life, these words are my testimony

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ, I stand

No guilt of life, no fear of death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ, I'll stand