The last month has been hard.  Mom had a really bad fall and ended up in the hospital.  She is now in skilled care at New Albany and they want to try her back in her apartment.  I really have mixed emotions about that.  It's just been really hard.  Thank goodness my sister was here while she was in the hospital.  Actually right now there is stress everywhere I look.  I am usually not that negative but I'm just being realistic.  I am sure we will get through it.  Enough said.

My grandkids are still the joy of my life.  I love them so much and they are so special.  We will be going to Lake Erie soon, looking forward to some quality time with them.

Mike and I will be leaving for Jamaica this Saturday.  Yayyyyyy!!!!  So looking forward to this trip.  Can't believe we are celebrating 40 years together.  I am a very blessed woman to have the privilege of traveling this life with this man.  Hoping we can leave some stress in Jamaica! Ha!

Today is my Dads birthday.  I miss him everyday.  A gentler, kinder man God did not make.  My sister and I were blessed beyond measure because this man was "Daddy" to us.  Because of his example, I've always known what love looks like.  He was loved by so many.

It has been a long time since I have added anything here.  I'm sure people have given up checking in but that is ok.  It's more for me than anybody.  None of my thoughts are all that insightful or enlightening.  Ha!  Things are good.  Life is still moving far too fast.  The grandchildren are refusing to slow down but are still as delightful as ever.  I am so blessed to have the people in my life.  Mom is  confused more than not.  She tends to go back in time feeling as if she is living years before.  Consequently she gets confused about who is still with us and who has passed on.  She also is always looking for the "little girl named Debby".  Wow!  It's hard, really hard.

I can't believe we are already in the third month of this new year.  Amazing!  Bella is a joy and makes my husband very happy.  We will be celebrating our 40th anniversary this June.  Amazing.  Going to Lake Erie this summer instead of the beach.  That will really be different but I'm sure it will be a good time.  It has been a really long, snowy, cold winter.  So looking forward to spring and my screened porch.

Summer, coming to an end.  I walked this morning, blubbering all the way as I watched children get on school buses.  It was once my children, now its my grandchildren.  I'm not dealing well with time moving on.  I don't like feeling this way, but it seems as if I am mourning everything in my life lately.  And it all centers around growing older.  My mom is simply waiting to pass on, its that simple.  I am fighting the fact that I am now in my 60's.  My children are raising their children and everyday they are changing.  I would really like to embrace all this but I'm struggling to do it.  I pray that today I can live in this moment and enjoy each and every blessing God has for us today.

I think I have come to the conclusion that I am grieving for the loss of my mother, before her earthly body has even left us.  This happened with my dad too.  They change so drastically, it seems they are gone....at least the parent you knew for so many years.  I still remember the day we moved from Indiana.  Since then, goodbyes have been the thing I hate most in this world.  Just the act of saying goodbye and once I have moved away from that moment, I do o.k.  Watching a parent age is like the longest goodbye in the world.  I love my mother so very much.  She talks about dad more all the time.  I think it could be very soon.  How do I feel about that?  I don't know.

Today is Mikey's birthday.  31!  Amazing journey getting here.  Hasn't always been easy.  I am grateful everyday that God spared his life.  It wouldn't be the same around here without him.  I have the most wonderful children in the world.  Just got back from Indiana with my daughter.  I love spending time with my children.  That connection is such a gift from God.  No wonder it is such a struggle to let go when the time comes.

The Next Chapter

Well, my mom is moved.  A new chapter.  It was time.  Even she knew it.  It was quite a battle, not with her but with the insurance.  But I'm not going to re-hash that, it is over and we won.  Enough said.  Some major burdens have been lifted with this move.  Burdens off both my mom and me.  Now when I visit her, I won't be playing the role of a mom quite as much.  She won't end up with a headache because of all my questions and lecturing.  Someone else, with a different perspective will be making sure she is taking care of herself and taking care of her where needed.  I wasn't good at that role, did my best but fell very short.  Today I will unpack some boxes of her few prized possessions that are left.  As I was packing her boxes, I saw a woman that was clinging to things that reminded her of a happier, younger time.  It hit me that life is a cycle and at some point, we find ourselves in places that require us to purge.  It happens slowly, weaning us away from the "stuff" we hold so close.  Until one day, we have very little left, just our memories and the ones we love more than life.

My daughter recommended a wonderful book to me.  It is called 1000 Gifts and it is excellent.  I had time to read it at market.  Haven't had much time since I've returned, but I WILL pick it up again this week-end.  It has been a real gift to me.  Thanks Kerri.

It was another cold day in February.  Schools closed due to ice.  The middle of another long Ohio winter.  I was also in the middle of another long bout with the Ohio crud.  Mike was leaving me with a project I really didn't want to deal with.  And I was having a pity party.  I grudgingly got dressed, hopped in my Lincoln SUV and flipped on my favorite country channel to "lift my drooping spirits".  But in stead of hearing the usual sounds of Rascal Flatts or Keith Urban I heard a woman talking between sobs.  It was a telethon for St. Judes and a very brave mother was sharing how she said good-bye and gave permission to her son to "go be with Jesus".

I get so wrapped up in myself, my petty problems.  I'm so spoiled and selfish.  Thanks God, I needed that.

Christmas 2012 was beautiful.  I tried to make it less hectic and I think I accomplished that.  I began shopping very early, stayed up to date with wrapping and cut back on the menu.  It was a very relaxing day. At church this year, keeping Christmas all year long was a prominent theme.  It isn't a new thought but it really hit home with me this year.  Everybody might be surprised as to how I might do that in 2013.  No real let down this year, and very little melancholy feelings on New Year's.  I have very high hopes for this new year, I feel an unusual sense of expectation, waiting to see what God has in store for us.  Nicole now works for us and she and Mikey are looking to buy a new house.  Eric started school again and I am very excited to see where that takes him.  Mike has finally completed his exodus from management and Bella is helping him through that transition.  It's strange, I see him going through so many phases; almost like a mourning process after a death.  Getting adjusted to a new normal always takes time.  My mom is changing everyday. Some days are hard for me, I can only imagine how hard they are for her.  We will hopefully be moving her to assisted living soon.  We are at the mercy of when the insurance decides to give us the "o.k."

There is a beautiful pile of snow on the ground, more than we've had in quite awhile.  I feel like I am waiting....but I'm not sure what I'm waiting for.

Taking my mom to a new doctor....not one of my favorite things to do.  But I have learned that God has special gifts tucked away in some of the oddest places.  I love my mom.  She is a wonderful mom.  At this stage of life, I often have trouble understanding however.  My mom and I have always struggled to understand each other.  We really are not much alike in personality or in how we view life.  My glass is half full and we'll just say my mom's isn't.  Today I will be looking for the special gift God has for both of us as we spend this day together.

Wow, it's been a long time with no blogging.  What a strange Thanksgiving.  I had just gotten over some sort of bug in time to prepare for the big day.  Cora and Evan had done the same.  We should have known it was just a sign of things to come.  I really won't go into the gory details, but suffice it to say....almost everybody bit the dust at sometime during the loooooong week-end.  We actually made two attempts at a normal Thanksgiving dinner and I can't really say we accomplished either.  But, I had three of my wonderful grandsons with me for two nights.  They decorated a beautiful Christmas tree, watched Christmas movies, had Jedi training and played Santa Claus.  I watched Evan and Austin begin a friendship that will follow them for a long time to come as Riley went off to another memory making OSU basketball game with his Paps.  I read a blog about a very special Thanksgiving between mother and son as they shared a very special prayer to end their day of oatmeal and tea on fancy china.  Once again my mom marveled at the "perfection" of her great-grandchildren, I'm sure thanking God in her innermost thoughts for allowing her to share these precious gifts.  My daughter-in-law came late in the day, at least her headache had subsided.  And as the day came to an end  Mikey and Riley looked at each other and said...." I don't feel so good."  Riley even left a special gift before he headed home.  And as Nana and Paps waved good-bye, we looked at each other and said, "Yes, another wonderful Thanksgiving."

That time of year....market.  The time I psych myself up for.  Oh well, I'll get through it again.  Took a beautiful morning walk today.  I love to walk when it is crisp and cool, I have so much more energy for it.  This time of year I always look across the landscape and feel as if God is getting ready for the greatest show on earth.  It looks as if He is finished with some of the stars of the show, completely decked out in the color He has chosen for them while others have simply caught the drops from the brush and are waiting for His final touch.  It wasn't just the fall air that made this walk so wonderful.... it was His presence.

Four out of five of my grandchildren are in school this year.  It ranges from 5th grade all the way to pre-school. This is such an important time of their lives and I always pray that they will be placed with a teacher that cares and wants to do the best for them during the time she is with them.  Those prayers have been answered yet again this year.  All four boys are thrilled with their teachers and are already progressing in their  academic growth.  We often hear about the negative things that go on in our school system, but thank God there are still those precious people that look at their job in the classroom as a calling.

The last day of August.  Here comes fall.  Mike and I took an impromptu trip to beautiful Nashville Indiana.  Had a wonderful, relaxing time.  I'm adjusting to having my husband back.  Not only is he himself again, but he is around more.  I love it.  Everybody has had a wonderful start to the new school year.  Evan just walks around smiling all the time, he was so ready for kindergarten.  Kerri has heard wonderful reports from both Riley and Trey's teachers.  Austin will begin pre-school next week.  I'm sure he is going to LOVE it.  What happened to the little kid that crawled around my house, it seems like yesterday.  I honestly believe if given the choice, I would keep them like this.  Not forever but I would love it if time moved a little slower.  Preschool, kindergarten, third and fifth grade.  It just isn't possible.  Before I know it, Cora....no I'm not going to think about it.  They will always be my little ones, no matter how old they get.

I feel as if I am watching summer as it comes to an end.  The kids will be back to school next week.  Pickle starts kindergarten, Riley starts his last year of elementary school and Austin begins preschool.  This summer has brought change for the good.  Mike is in a much better place than he was when summer started.  I'm sure the second half of 2012 will be good.  We never really know what is about to appear on the horizon.  I look back, knowing what I know now and this summer could be ending so differently.  I thank God for the way He works in our lives even when we don't know we need Him.  Oh yes, and my son-in-law will be going back to school too.  I'm really excited about that.  Can't wait to see the doors that will open for him.  Yes, I am expecting good things.  Jeremiah 29:11.  Read it, it's really encouraging!!

Fourteen years.  Where has the time gone?  Today my daughter is celebrating her 14th wedding anniversary.  I love them both dearly and it is wonderful to watch two people that make each other so happy.  So many things have changed in those 14 years but it has been fun watching their journey which has brought them to a very good place.  They love God, love each other and love their beautiful children. I really could not ask for more.  God bless you Eric and Kerri.  I'm looking forward to the next 14.

I am so proud of my children.  They have grown (sometimes I think in spite of me) into wonderful human beings.  Both of them, in there own way care deeply for the people they meet in their lives.  My daughter has taken on the role of part time children's pastor at her church.  She will be great.  She has so much compassion and wisdom.  My son posted today on facebook about the time he is giving to his son before he leaves for a business trip.  My grandchildren are very blessed to have found themselves in such loving homes.

Mike and I have been going through a time of introspection and ultimately a time that will require us to adjust to a new normal.  I am so thankful for the way God so gently shows us that some changes need to happen in order for us to ultimately be where He wants us to be in different chapters of our life.  I am very grateful for a husband that is able to hear God's voice and obey, not only when it pertains to our life, but also others.

Life is good and we have so much to look forward to.  I want to embrace each day as the wonderful gift it is.  I want to keep my eyes open to see the opportunities given to me to maybe make someone's day a little better.

Finally put my pics from vacation on my computer.  I thought I would share the other "moment" I had on the beach.  It was the last day and I looked up and I saw this lady, smiling and enjoying the day.  Enough said.

Another wonderful beach trip comes to an end.  Beautiful weather and everyone staying healthy was a blessing.  However, every year the days blur together.  Our goal for most days is to get as much sun and eat as much fudge as is reasonably possible.  Because we throw our at home routine to the wind, days seem to blur together in a beautiful haze.  This is fine but I find at the end, I would like to be able to mark more days. Oh don't get me wrong, every year leaves me with moments I will never forget.  One morning I was walking with the kids and they were trying to fit their feet into footprints that had gone before them.  I was suddenly struck by the thought that we all leave footprints and I hope my grandchildren and children believe the ones I leave behind will be worthy of following.  I am going to take my son-in-law's advice and next year I will journal everyday.  I'm anxious to take a look at the pictures I took.  (I took ALOT!!)  Yes, it was a wonderful trip but everyday is a wonderful day.  I really need to get back to blogging more to mark the ordinary days as the gifts they are.

It has been so very long since I blogged.  Been going through a few twists and turns involving Mike's job.  Looks like all will work out.  Spring has flown by and vacation is upon us.  Seems to have gotten here quicker but then again, everything seems that way.  Looking forward to a carefree two weeks with nobody sick and no injuries.  Please God, please!  We will have an extra with us this year.  Mike and Nicole's nephew will be part of our family at the beach and I hope he has a wonderful time, it will be so good for him.  It's Father's Day and I miss my dad but I am celebrating the wonderful man I have had the privilege to parent with all these years.  I have been truly blessed.  Love you Mike and Dad.

What a great week-end.  I love celebrating milestones and this weekend my friend Jen Leonard celebrated just that.  She became an ordained minister in the Church of the Nazarene, but more than that I feel like we were  celebrating the evidence of God's amazing grace in a beautiful life.  There are some places that are only attainable with His grace working in our lives.  It has been a wonderful thing to watch and I'm sure it is only the beginning for her.  Then I spent the week-end with my beautiful daughter.  Fun and relaxation were the themes of the week-end.  I tried to spoil her rotten and I think I came close to accomplishing that.  I hope she had as good a time as I did.  Love you Kerri.

I went to Kerri's house yesterday.  She needed to go to the doctor and I stayed with Evan and Cora and Scarlet.  Evan's laugh is so contagious.  It comes out of him completely out of his control.  And of course the toothless smile makes it all the better.  Then Cora wrinkles her nose and her giggle seems to ooze out of her twinkling eyes.  Reminds me so much of somebody......who is it....oh yes, her mother when she was her age.  I drove away yesterday while they were all out in the yard playing basketball, riding bikes and running around the house exercising the dog.  What a happy family.  I drove away slowly, up on the main road, needing to take it all in.  It was like food to my soul.  My kids and grandkids are happy and healthy today.  What more could I ask for?