Well, another week. I really have decided to let God handle all the stuff going on right now. However, I really wanted part of the deal to be that I could sleep through until He worked all this out. It would be nice to just wake up on the other side of it. But... that doesn't seem to be possible soooooooo another week!! We had a beautiful service Sunday at church. My sister says she gets through times like this by looking back, back at God's faithfulness. I was reminded of this song yesterday.

"He's been faithful, faithful to me
Looking back his love and mercy I see
Though in my heart I have questioned and failed to believe
Still He's been faithful, faithful to me."

It's good to know that we don't always have to be on our "A" game with God. He understands that when we are going through the battle it is sometimes hard to stay strong. His faithfulness isn't determined by the strength of our faith. He's a good God and good things are happening.

My little ones will come see me tonight. Their smiles and hugs and kisses keep me going. I taped the basketball game for Riley but I really don't want to be reminded of that disappointment. Looks like I will have to find another team to cheer for in the tournament. Eric's job is going well. What an answer to prayer!! The adoption seems to be moving along and Nicole is healthy and feeling good. Dad is fairly content and Mom is keeping her head up and actually going to exercise classes. My mom doing yoga - wish I had seen that!!

"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Well, I'm still alive. That which does not kill me makes me stronger!! I feel like I am on autopilot. This particular valley could take a long time to get out of. I really feel like I am walking blindfolded. The assurance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen - FAITH. That is where I am living at the moment. I have no earthly idea of what is ahead - but He does. I can't plan, I can't count the days, I can't even peek around the corner and see the end.

My words for this day:

I was sure by now that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining
And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are, no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand -
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord - The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

Have a blessed day.

Well, it was a week ago tonight that my world fell apart again. But as I sit here having survived, my son has finally stopped living in denial and is seeking help for his problem. This is a true answer to prayer. I don't have a clue what he is going to have to face because of his choices he made this past week but I do know that God is working and it is finally being seen in his life.
We also found out today that our new little one is a boy. Yes, another boy will be born in July and I'm sure he will be another beautiful gift from God. I don't pretend to understand what it is but I am resting in the knowledge that God has a plan and we will see it unfold. I am so glad that this plan doesn't depend on me. All that is required of me is to pray and trust. Trust when we can't see where He is leading. I'm sure that when we are on the other side of all this, there will be NO doubt that God was the one that got us there. So I am praising Him in advance.

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty.

You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holdin' on
But I feel like givin' in
But still You're with me.

And even though I'm walkin' through
the valley of the shadow,
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
and I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me.

I know I'm broken
but You alone can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
but You said you'd see me through the storm

It happens every year, about the same time. I turn into a crank. I start complaining about the crappy weather, the flu bugs no one can seem to shake and the fact that we never see the sun. And then I realize; those aren't things worth complaining about. If that's the best I can do then I need to shut-up!! So..... today I ask for forgiveness and then I ask that I see the beautiful miracles that are around me everyday. I found this verse in one of my favorite books of the Bible. I'll share it -

"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength,
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Is. 40:28-31

We All Need

From a cardboard hovel in a darkened street
To the well-lit windows of a penthouse suite,
All are desperate souls with a human fate,
And we protect ourselves within the walls we make.
And I stand in a corner, now, in my house of rest
And bow my head, beat my breast and say,
"God, please forgive me for this sinner's heart!
Though You show me your mercy,
It's the same old story keeping us apart."
And we all feel lost sometimes,
And we all feel hurt inside,
And we all cry, and we all need
The redeeming love of Jesus.
And I was raised with the lessons and the victory speech,
And I fought for the standards that I could not reach,
And I hold my tongue when the pain is great,
And I cover my tears as we celebrate,
while a private war rages with the fear and the doubt,
As I try to run faster to find a way out
I'm convinced if I stumble they'll just cast me aside,
And mock at my weakness and shatter my pride.
'Cause I've watched as we've stoned the more hesitant soul.
So, we all must remember,
It's still God's grace we all need to know.
We all feel lost sometimes,
We all feel hurt,
and we all cry,
And we all need