2009 is upon us. Seems as if we were just taking that big plunge into 2000. Where does time go? I have been acknowledging to myself and to God this morning that I often approach a new year with trepidation ; don't know why but I do. This year seems a little different ; don't know why it just does. I guess that is the reason for my new year apprehension - all the "don't know's". But if I stop and think about it, that is true for each new day, it just seems bigger when I look at a new year. So, I will continue to live one day at a time into this new year (or at least try) and try to never lose sight that I need Him, every hour I need Him.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide or life is vain.

Another beautiful Christmas day has come and gone. I have realized that my favorite part of Christmas is actually the preparation. And I thoroughly enjoyed preparing this year. I guess my two favorite gifts this year involved my daughter and and my son. My daughter received her referral to adopt a beautiful little girl from Liberia. This has been a process of over a year and now it seems it really is going to happen. Hopefully by spring we will be meeting little Nana and welcoming her into our family. My other favorite gift is the fact that my son is married and has a beautiful baby boy and has come back to work with his dad. I told my sister today that I don't think we realize the effect particular stresses have on our lives until that stress is gone. The day passed very quickly as it always does and it was a little different this year as Eric had to leave for work and we had to share Mikey with Nicole's family. But all in all it was another beautifully blessed Christmas and I am looking forward to the year ahead. I have learned that we never know what the year may bring but all the challenges we were faced with beginning last Christmas have turned out to be undeniable blessings. I'm sure there will be our share of mountains to climb but we will climb them one at a time with God's help. Happy New Year everyone.

For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able, to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day. Lord, give us all the strength to keep it all committed to You.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease.
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ - I STAND.
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe.
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
'Til on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid,
Here in the death of Christ - I LIVE.

Right now, I know of a lot of people it seems, that are praying for miracles. Do I believe God can perform miracles? ABSOLUTELY. Do I sometimes wonder why those miracles don't always happen? ABSOLUTELY. Sometimes I think the true miracle comes in a completely different form than healing from a disease, or the blessings of a baby, or even a job when there is none. The line in this song that says - "what heights of love what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease". That is the miracle that God ALWAYS brings if we will accept it. Read those words again, they are powerful. In the midst of our worst days, knowing God loves us and is in control can bring love and hope and peace no matter what may come. And sometimes that is all we have to stand on. But it is all we need. I don't pretend to understand all that happens in this life but I have experienced this indescribable peace that is able to cease my striving and when that happens, there is no other rest like it.

We had so much fun at Trey's birthday party this week. He is such a special little guy who loves to paint and create art and loves to eat out. He must get that from me. So we all went to Spaghetti Warehouse and ate, opened presents and laughed. I'm sure his cheeks must have been sore because he didn't stop smiling the entire night. Neither did I. His great-grandma was there and his new cousin, baby Austin enjoyed the evening with us. He will soon be 5 and we all learn from him everyday. We all should have a heart like Trey's.

Well, another beautiful Thanksgiving. We had everyone together at least for a short time. Eric had to go to work and Mikey had to go to in-laws. We all ate too much but oh well... Of course something usually happens in my kitchen to make the dinner eventful. Not too many years ago, it was my oven, yes my oven. I got pretty ugly or so I'm told. This year it was the dishwasher. So.. we washed by hand and used Chinet plates to make it slightly easier to clean up. But that wasn't the end of it My husband decided that he would try to will the dishwasher to work and continued putting it through its cycles only to force water through to the ceiling of the basement. Yes, that's right, our ceiling is falling!!! Gotta love it. So, tonight we will be dishwasher shopping. I wrote on my facebook that I had finally learned to keep life in perspective. This is no big deal. So the Pressley family is happy and well, and looking forward to the Christmas holiday and a brand new year.

I am having trouble jumping in to Christmas this year. Everybody knows that is very strange for me. I think I know why. I really miss my Dad. He loved Christmas, no I mean really loved it. He would get depressed because the day was over. He was a kid at heart and Christmas really brought it out in him. He wrapped every present. Mom didn't wrap any. We would joke because he taped every side of the box and put half a role on each present. A Christmas would never go by without someone opening a gift marked for them and it was really intended for someone else. Frilly night gowns opened by one of the boys was a common ocurrence. And pictures, did he take pictures!! I would be posed with a new hat and mittens and the camera wouldn't work - he had forgotten to turn it on. Unfortunately I'm noticing that I tend to be filling that role in the family now. I guess the best thing to do is to remember, remember him fondly and thank God for the memories.

I just wrote my words of sympathy to the Hymes family. First the mother to cancer, now the beautiful daughter to a drunk driver. Life isn't fair. So, I opened up my book of "words" that I am collecting. If you know me at all, they are mostly words from songs. But I have read these words in many situations so once again, I read:

"There is hope in the midst of hopelessness. Death is not where we lose; the onset of hopelessness is the great defeater. So allow hope to rise up within you. And when it seems that hopefulness is the least appropriate response in this situation, let it rise up even more. Whisper your hope when you lie down at night; scream your hope when you wake in the morning.Live your hope as if it is the one and only thing that sustains you in this ravaged world. You will not be disappointed."
Palmer

Here's to hope!!

I got up this morning to some horrible news. A couple months ago I went to the funeral of a friend who died of brain cancer. She was a beautiful woman and a mother of three. Last night her middle child Nikki, died in a car accident. Her husband has been coming to church every Sunday with their youngest daughter. They have looked so sad, but she has been there by her Daddy's side every week. She is in middle school and I'm sure she was looking to her older sister to somehow fill in for the mother she had lost. This man has buried his wife and now will go through it all again with his daughter. I don't understand, I just don't understand. There are no answers.

I can't stand it. When one of my little ones hurt, I can't stand it!! I look forward to Monday nights. Kerri and the boys come for dinner and we just hang out. Last night we had spaghetti and meatballs and the boys played Wii. The night was winding down and it was p.j. time. Evan was doing his naked dance and the next thing we knew, he had fallen face first into the hearth. We even had pillows up because Papa and the boys had been wrestling earlier. One pillow had shifted and that's all it took. My little Evan had oral surgery today and had all three busted teeth removed. He called me today to tell me how brave he was. I love this little boy.

I don't know why but I feel very frustrated today. I feel like I'm not doing a very good job of keeping up with everything and everybody. I feel like I am on a run-away train that keeps getting faster and faster and I just need it to stop. I need some quiet time to settle myself and do some self-talk. I think I'm going to let the little ones trick 'r treat with their parents and realize they won't miss me and it's o.k. not to be there. I just don't want to miss anything, life is too short. But at the same time I can't be everywhere and life does go on without me!! I just hope I am being what they need me to be. I hope I live my life like these words describe. Yes, another song.

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
so think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else

Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

My little ghosts and goblins getting ready for Halloween. As you can see, Mr. Punkin isn't too happy. But Nana is, they always make her extremely happy. I do believe I'm the luckiest woman in the world!!

Excuse me, I just can't help myself. I hear songs and I just have to share them. Just move on if you don't feel like reading another. But I think this is really good.

I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent through the fire
I've been in the valley when it was dry
Walked through the desert to the other side

I'm not a preacher and I'm not a hero
My life has never been that kind
But there is one thing that I hold onto
I am Yours
and Lord, You are Mine

And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend

I've seen a widow cry through her sorrow
And still raise her hands in the midst of it all
and Lord I'm reminded when I was weary
You carried me, yes, You carried me

In the midst of a struggle
There is one thing I know
You'll never leave me, no never alone.

Another great week-end. Of course I miss my husband but nevertheless I had a wonderful week-end. Friday Kerri and I took her three and baby Austin to the Pumpkin Show in Circleville. We really had fun - pumpkin donuts, pumpkin burgers and pumpkin fudge. I spent the night with them and Saturday morning we went to the Clintonville Farm Market. I had the Very Best Donut I have ever tasted, bought some fresh produce and just enjoyed the morning with the boys and my daughter. We went back to her house and enjoyed a Harvest Party her and Eric gave for the community kids with lots of help from their friends. More Fall Fun!! Today I took my mom out for lunch after church. All in all a pretty special week-end. Here are some pictures. It's really difficult for me to get too worked up about politics and elections when I am blessed with so much. We sang a song in church today and one phrase stuck out to me - "kingdom authority". We are of another kingdom and God is the authority. That leaves not much to worry about.

I just want to add a quick blog. I was sending pictures to my friends and looking at this one made me so grateful. These are three beautiful women that I am so proud to call my friends. All three are strong and have been there for me for a long time. I love them as sisters. I know I could call them anytime for anything and they would be there. I thank God for these women today.

What a wonderful fall. The weather has been great and I've really had fun with family and friends. We had a great picnic this year. Everybody loved having it in October so that probably won't change. Most everybody was able to come but I really missed Mikey. Then this past week, Mike and I got some time with old friends some we hadn't seen for a long time. We played golf, a lot of golf and my body is trying to recuperate. It was so good to recapture the good times from the past. Everybody is doing well and it was just a relaxing few days. It seemed like everybody was at the place in their lives that we are just grateful that our kids are happy and healthy and we are able to enjoy our beautiful grandchildren. I think between the four couples we have 18 grandchildren and more on the way. Life is good.

What a good day Sunday was. Austin Michael Pressley was dedicated to the Lord. This was quite an experience for me - somewhat surreal considering all we have been through. He is a very sweet child and he has already brought great joy to our family. Mike is gone for most of the week and it is really getting cool. Another year almost gone. It has been good, we are very blessed. A lot of talk lately about our country's future. All I can say is I know who is in control. I'm looking forward to my picnic I have once a year. Mikey won't be here but it should be fun. Austin is spending the day with Daddy so Nana has a day off. Lot's of stuff to do better get busy.

Tomorrow my son and his wife will be dedicating their little boy to the Lord. This may not be all that remarkable but some of you know the journey our family has been on over the past few years. It truly is a miracle. Not just the dedication, but that my son is alive, is over 230 days sober and living such a radically different lifestyle - all miracles. It is definitely a "God" thing. Prayers are answered. I should never doubt that after watching Him work over the past several months. But as I write that I realize, He's been working a lot longer than that. He works when we don't see what He is doing. It is our job to trust until it becomes evident. Sometimes that takes a long time. I have been praying for the little ones He will give to us from Liberia and those prayers are truly blind prayers. I have no idea what their lives look like but I know one thing - God loves them and is taking very good care of them. Prayers will be answered!!

My husband and I were having a quiet late dinner on the deck last night. He looked at me and said, "you will never guess what I did today". Well, I usually hold my breath when he starts a conversation this way, I'm never quite sure what will follow. But he looked at me and proceeded to tell me about doing something that I know was very, very difficult for him. But he knew he needed to do it to make things right with him and someone else. I understand you really can't appreciate this because I'm not giving the details. But trust me, this was big. You see, I'm blessed to be married to a wonderful man that strives to follow God. I have watched him for thirty some years struggle and grow into this true man of God and I am very grateful to have him in my life.

Yesterday was a great day. First I put baby Austin to sleep. He is a little out of sync lately. I can't think of a better way to spend an hour. Kerri was going out with friends from church so I spent the evening with the other three grandsons. We ate berry granola dessert together and then I watched Riley and Trey sing to Highschool Musical. What a hoot!! Trey and I worked on a puzzle while Evan "cooked" pretend food for me. I can't think of a better way to spend an evening.

It's almost fall - hard to believe. I've been printing off pictures and reminiscing about all the memories those pictures hold. It seems like the older I get, the faster the chapters of my life go by. Mikey and Nicole are packing to move their little family to their own space. Kerri and Eric continue to prepare to add to their not so little family. My mom has found out that life goes on without her partner of so many years and she is doing o.k. with that. I miss my dad, I really miss him. Things change so quickly. I don't like losing touch with people that have been in my life. So...I joined Facebook. Never thought I would but I did. I'm trying to catch up with people that were once there and now aren't. It's a good thing for me.

It's been a while - very busy!! My husband and I decided to take a last minute trip to Puerto
Rico. He had to be there on business so I followed a couple days later and spent the Labor Day week-end. We had a great time. It was really good timing for me to get away. The little family that has been dwelling in my house will be moving to their own apartment in a couple weeks. They are really excited. Austin in growing like a weed. Looks like Mikey will be starting a new job soon. I am looking forward to Fall. Summer went very quickly as it always does but Fall is nice. We just had a garage sale to raise money for the adoption. It was tiring, fun and very profitable. So many people donated things it was overwhelming. Watching the kids with their cookies, brownies and lemonade behind a sign asking for donations to bring their sisters home from Africa was priceless. Life is good.

I really didn't want to give up a week to being sick but looks like that's what happened. I needed to be working on a baby shower, a garage sale and spending times with my little ones before they go back to school. Oh well, sometimes things are out of your control. This parasite I picked up just keeps hanging on. But never fear, next week this time I will be headed for Puerto Rico!! Yes, I'm spending Labor Day weekend with my husband in Puerto Rico. (perks of the new job) Right now I am hoping to be back to normal for Austin's baby shower on Sunday. Think I'll go lay down.

I can't believe it but this wonderful little boy turned 7 this week. I remember when he came home from the hospital and he has been very special from that first day. I remember holding him one day shortly after he was born and saying to someone visiting that he had such a sweet spirit about him. I was right. I know I am his Nana, but he has a very special heart. I hope you had a great birthday Riley. You look great on that bicycle. We love you very much!!

Life is good. It is different as we have a little one inhabiting our space but it is good. He is such a good baby and mommy and daddy are doing a great job in their new roles. He is growing very quickly as most babies do. I got my mom almost completely moved to her new digs down the hall from her original apartment. Summer is slipping by. Mike has almost made the transition into his new management job and maybe, just maybe fall will bring some calm around here. I feel as if we have survived all the changes in good fashion. My mom still has her sad days but all in all she is doing great. It has been much easier for me to get my hands around the reality that my dad is gone, now that I am home from vacation. I now have four beautiful grandsons - I think you will have to admit they are BEAUTIFUL!!!

Another beautiful baby boy for Nana and Papa Pressley. Austin Michael Pressley was born on July 6th. He weighed 7lbs. 2ozs. Mommy and baby are both doing great. He eats, sleeps and poops just like he should. He is absolutely adorable and we are so blessed to have him. He looks a lot like his mommy and seems to have his daddy's easy-going personality. He is very loved and already has brought a lot of joy to our lives. Welcome little baby boy!!

Well, vacation is almost over. It's been wonderful. The weather couldn't have been better. We all have stayed safe this time and I think everybody is refreshed and ready to go home. I love vacation but I love home. We have a lot to look forward to and I'm ready to enjoy the rest of the summer and meet my new grandson. I was a little melancholy this trip. I thought a lot about my dad and I am still trying to get my brain around the fact that he isn't with us. I think it might be easier once I get back home and live in the reality of it. I also really missed Mikey. I am so proud of him and the way he is finally growing up and facing his realities. He is so much fun to have around and we all really missed him. Mike will be home Saturday and we will follow on Sunday. Mike is looking forward to his new job and hopefully our lives will settle down a little.

This wonderful man - my Father, went to be with Jesus yesterday at 1:20. I had the privilege of being by his side as he took his last breath. In life and in death, he was everything a man of God should be. I am so grateful to God for the wonderful gift He gave me in my Father. This world was truly blessed and heaven is even more beautiful because of him. See you later Dad, I love you.

This beautiful little boy just turned "2". Sorry it has taken so long for me to post this. He is such a special little man. He has his own language and it isn't always easy to translate. But I always understand when I ask him whose boy he is and he says "Nana". His hugs are unbelievable and he knows his own mind and isn't afraid to tell you in his own way. He love his big brothers and is beginning to realize that he is very funny. He cracks himself up. Nana loves you Evan. I can't wait to see you on the beach again.

A nice relaxing Saturday. I've slowed down and in doing so I have been reminded in so many ways just how long I have lived. Mike and I went down to Creekside in Gahanna today and had lunch. It was really nice. I've been around long enough to remember when "old Gahanna" really looked "old". Lots of changes. I'm going to some graduation parties today - I remember when these kids were born. My daughter even babysat for one of them!! Then I came home and sat on my back porch. From there you can see a beautiful tree. It's tall and full and shady. It's a special tree to me. My dad and his best friend, Ralph went out in the woods and brought that tree back to transplant in my yard. It has grown tall and come out full year after year. It's been there for a long time. Back when my dad was strong and vibrant. He landscaped my entire yard for me. That tree was planted back when Ralph could fix my car blindfolded and go home and bake pies for whoever needed a thoughtful gift. That was before my dad lost track of time and before Ralph had a heart attack as he was leaving to deliver one of those pies to the pastor. I often wish I could go back and re-live a day here and there. I think that is a sign that I have had a beautiful life so far with many wonderful memories.

Well another Monday and the time has finally arrived. My son will be leaving tomorrow for 28 days of incarceration. I haven't said much about it but here it is and we can't escape the reality of it. I'm feeling like everything is a dream lately. Not only are we facing Mike's situation but my husband's mother will probably have a foot amputated this week, one of his sisters has ovarian cancer and the other mentally challenged sister just had a premature baby. Am I living a soap opera?! I don't know that I will ever fully understand all the mysteries of prayers but I am experiencing the unbelievable way it can sustain you through tough times. I can't say I always feel strong but I'm surviving each day and I haven't shut down and for me that is big. I get phone calls and e-mails telling me they are praying for our family and all I can say is I feel them. I feel those prayers and I am so grateful. I really need t0 find the energy to visit my Dad. It has been far too long. Maybe once I get past tomorrow I can try to get that done. I'm not going to make the trip to Indiana tomorrow with my husband. Fortunately we have a wonderful caring Pastor and assistant Pastor that want to make that journey with him and I think it will be best that way. I'm going to spend the day with my daughter and grandkids.

Welcome to the world Zoe Ryan Line!! Your arrival has been very anxiously awaited and it looks like you sure were worth the wait!! You have an awesome Mommy and Daddy. Aunt Debby can't wait to get her hands on you. I hope your Ohio State cheerleading outfit fits you by football season. Hugs and kisses from Ohio.

Thanks to my family for such a beautiful Mother's Day. Each one of them is so special. I missed seeing Eric however. (Shhh don't tell him!!) I am very tired tonight and I'm wondering how I am going to have the energy to face what I must face in a little over a week. I am really going to miss my son, having him around 24-7 lately will make it hard when he is gone. Sometimes 30 days fly by, I'm not sure these will.

We had a celebration last night. We celebrated 90 days of sobriety for my son. As I look back over the last three months and re-live that first night it really feels like a dream. It feels like an amusement park ride that at times I've wanted to get off but it doesn't stop. Then other times it feels really good and I enjoy it. But always I feel totally out of control, I'm not in charge of the ride at all. The real miracle is that we genuinely have something to celebrate. When the phone rang in the middle of the night, I really didn't think we would get to this point. There is only one way this has happened. It is honestly and truly a God thing. Good out of bad, that's what He specializes in and I have seen it first-hand. The ride continues. Mike will be gone for 30 days soon. I pray that Nicole feels His presence more than she knows is possible. Then we face the next mountain and see how God helps us over that one. We will continue to get ready to meet baby Austin and trust that God has control of the ride.

Today I have a prayer for my family - all of my family.

My husband beginning another work week and juggling it with all the other responsibilities of life
My mom, watching her world change and trying to understand it all
My dad, not understanding anything
My daughter and son-in-law waiting to welcome new ones
My three grandsons growing up far too quickly
Our granddaughters in Liberia hoping to be loved by a mommy and daddy
My son trying not to look too far ahead into his unknown future
My new daughter-in-law carrying another beautiful miracle and hoping all is well when he arrives
My sister and brother-in-law moving once again
My nephew and new wife blending a family
Ryan and Ginger anxiously awaiting Zoe Ryan their healthy little miracle

May they all feel God's amazing and unconditional love sometime today in an overwhelming way!
As this day comes to a close may they know that no matter what, God loves them more than they can imagine, more than they can fathom.

I was really distracted this morning from the odds and ends I needed to do before leaving for an appointment. I recognized the feeling of needing to settle myself and hear what God had for me today. So....... being distracted I picked up my favorite book - "Disciplines for the Inner Life" and turned to the "distractions" chapter. I looked at Tuesday's scripture (today being Tuesday!) and it took me to 2Timothy 1:1-14. " for I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day." Then I saw a devotional entitled "Be Strong in God's Grace". Sounded good to me. It was about the Nazarene man that had been taken hostage in Iran in the 80's. I remembered this and had read it before but figured it couldn't hurt to read again. It's always good to be reminded of God's grace. It seems that this man was given a Bible and he turned to Isaiah 43:5 - "Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." He said those words felt as if God was making a promise to bring him home safely. I turned to Isaiah 43:5 and there next to this verse I had written "Mikey '98". I had claimed that promise for my son 10 years ago. God has been with my son all those years. He never leaves us sometimes we just are so distracted we don't realize He is there. Today I am claiming that same promise for the little girls we are trying to bring home from Liberia. Isaiah 43:1 says,"fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." He knows them, He knows their names and soon we will.

Well, we made it through another market! I think my re-entry is almost complete. I'm beginning to feel like myself again. Kerri and the boys will visit tonight. Steak and chicken on the grill. (Trey doesn't like "snake") I am slowly getting things moved into my downstairs work room. We are beginning to make room for Austin. Time is really going quickly. I figure I need to have the nursery finished by the time we leave for the beach. That is slightly over two months. I better get busy. We want to bring him home to a buckeye nursery. You can't start too young you know!! I keep hoping to hear some good news from Liberia. Hopefully this delay won't last too long. A lot of things are still in limbo but the answers will come when it is time. God holds that in His hands.
My dad seems to be sleeping a lot more than before. All he talks about is seeing his mom and dad. He thinks they are coming to visit him everyday. I never knew his mom and his dad died when I was in elementary school. It is sad but everyday he is closer to heaven. That too is in God's hands. God is graciously giving Mom what she needs each day. God is good.

I don't think I have ever posted from market. I am never totally thrilled about coming, but this time was very hard. My kids are going through so much back home but I had to come to the hard realization that I can't do anything about their situations. That is hard for me to swallow, but nevertheless, true. I've already had to talk Mike off the ledge and I will probably have to do it again. So, I am here and I pray for peace, guidance and joy for all of us as we go through this difficult part of our journey. My Dad seems to be fixated on his Mom and Dad. I think his heart is already in heaven. I pray that we will all be able to let go when the time comes.

Have you ever felt like "what could happen next?". We got Pup married, we're waiting to see what his future holds and now the adoption process has become a new nightmare. Adoptions in Liberia are on hold for how long, we don't know. Do they keep going forward or look in another direction? We are all feeling quite drained. The stress level can't go much higher. But underneath it all is the feeling that God is still in control and He has all the answers. If we could look forward, I'm not sure how all of our lives would look but one thing I do know - It will be o.k. Whatever my kids will face, they will go through it by the grace of God. And on the other side we will look back in amazement at how the waters parted. So for now, I will continue praying for His mercy in our lives and His protection for my son and his new wife, our unborn grandson, the beautiful little boys we have already been blessed with and the little ones, whoever they may be that God will deliver to Kerri and Eric in His own, perfect timing.

My baby boy is married!! I'm not sure I have processed that yet. But it was a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful day. So much of their future is unknown, but then again, that is true for all of us.
I realized that day that I have some wonderful friends. Their support was overwhelming and their love was real and genuine. I thank God for the people He has placed in our life to travel this journey with us.

I don't often post twice so quickly, but this is just too good to ignore. My wonderful son-in-law gave me a book by Henri Nouwen and I opened it to today's reading. WOW!! Why can other people put my feelings into words so much better than I? This says exactly what I am feeling. I'm sure you have been there.

"[There is] a time for mourning, a time for dancing" (Ecclesiastes 3:4). But mourning and dancing are never fully separated. Their times do not necessarily follow each other. In fact, their times may become one time. Mourning may turn into dancing and dancing into mourning without showing a clear point where one ends and the other starts.
****don't miss this part!! Often our grief allows us to choreograph our dance while our dance creates the space for our grief. We lose a beloved friend, and in the midst of our tears we discover an unknown joy. We celebrate a success, and in the midst of the party we feel deep sadness. Mourning and dancing, grief and laughter, sadness and gladness - they belong together as the sad-faced clown and the happy-faced clown, who make us both cry and laugh. Let's trust that the beauty of our lives becomes visible where mourning and dancing touch each other.

Our prayers are being answered in the midst of really hard circumstances. I'm finding that mourning and dancing take a lot of energy that only God can provide.

My son is getting married tomorrow. I am very happy. He is making good decisions and allowing God to be in those choices. I have real hope for his future. But sometimes with the storm howling, it is hard to sense that hope. I told Nicole last night that we just have to lock arms, put our heads down and plow through to the other side of the storm, because there is a beautiful life waiting there. We only have God to thank for that!

Easter - 2008 It couldn't have been better!! It was a beautiful, beautiful day from beginning to end. I was feeling a little heavy about everything but I was able to renew my hope today. He is risen, He is risen indeed!! Now we will prepare to celebrate Mike and Nicole and get ready for a beautiful wedding.

My friend Ruth found these little bears and they just seemed perfect for our little girls that will be coming to us soon. I keep them in my bedroom until the day comes I can hand them to them. They are a reminder to me to keep our little girls surrounded by prayer. We don't know what they look like or their names but we already love them. I know God is watching over them. We can't wait for the day when they arrive but until then, they will sit in my room (as long as Evan isn't around - one went missing for a few days!!) and I will pray. God bless you, little ones. He loves you and so do we.

Well, another week. I really have decided to let God handle all the stuff going on right now. However, I really wanted part of the deal to be that I could sleep through until He worked all this out. It would be nice to just wake up on the other side of it. But... that doesn't seem to be possible soooooooo another week!! We had a beautiful service Sunday at church. My sister says she gets through times like this by looking back, back at God's faithfulness. I was reminded of this song yesterday.

"He's been faithful, faithful to me
Looking back his love and mercy I see
Though in my heart I have questioned and failed to believe
Still He's been faithful, faithful to me."

It's good to know that we don't always have to be on our "A" game with God. He understands that when we are going through the battle it is sometimes hard to stay strong. His faithfulness isn't determined by the strength of our faith. He's a good God and good things are happening.

My little ones will come see me tonight. Their smiles and hugs and kisses keep me going. I taped the basketball game for Riley but I really don't want to be reminded of that disappointment. Looks like I will have to find another team to cheer for in the tournament. Eric's job is going well. What an answer to prayer!! The adoption seems to be moving along and Nicole is healthy and feeling good. Dad is fairly content and Mom is keeping her head up and actually going to exercise classes. My mom doing yoga - wish I had seen that!!

"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Well, I'm still alive. That which does not kill me makes me stronger!! I feel like I am on autopilot. This particular valley could take a long time to get out of. I really feel like I am walking blindfolded. The assurance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen - FAITH. That is where I am living at the moment. I have no earthly idea of what is ahead - but He does. I can't plan, I can't count the days, I can't even peek around the corner and see the end.

My words for this day:

I was sure by now that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining
And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are, no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand -
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord - The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

Have a blessed day.

Well, it was a week ago tonight that my world fell apart again. But as I sit here having survived, my son has finally stopped living in denial and is seeking help for his problem. This is a true answer to prayer. I don't have a clue what he is going to have to face because of his choices he made this past week but I do know that God is working and it is finally being seen in his life.
We also found out today that our new little one is a boy. Yes, another boy will be born in July and I'm sure he will be another beautiful gift from God. I don't pretend to understand what it is but I am resting in the knowledge that God has a plan and we will see it unfold. I am so glad that this plan doesn't depend on me. All that is required of me is to pray and trust. Trust when we can't see where He is leading. I'm sure that when we are on the other side of all this, there will be NO doubt that God was the one that got us there. So I am praising Him in advance.

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty.

You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holdin' on
But I feel like givin' in
But still You're with me.

And even though I'm walkin' through
the valley of the shadow,
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
and I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me.

I know I'm broken
but You alone can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
but You said you'd see me through the storm

It happens every year, about the same time. I turn into a crank. I start complaining about the crappy weather, the flu bugs no one can seem to shake and the fact that we never see the sun. And then I realize; those aren't things worth complaining about. If that's the best I can do then I need to shut-up!! So..... today I ask for forgiveness and then I ask that I see the beautiful miracles that are around me everyday. I found this verse in one of my favorite books of the Bible. I'll share it -

"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength,
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Is. 40:28-31

We All Need

From a cardboard hovel in a darkened street
To the well-lit windows of a penthouse suite,
All are desperate souls with a human fate,
And we protect ourselves within the walls we make.
And I stand in a corner, now, in my house of rest
And bow my head, beat my breast and say,
"God, please forgive me for this sinner's heart!
Though You show me your mercy,
It's the same old story keeping us apart."
And we all feel lost sometimes,
And we all feel hurt inside,
And we all cry, and we all need
The redeeming love of Jesus.
And I was raised with the lessons and the victory speech,
And I fought for the standards that I could not reach,
And I hold my tongue when the pain is great,
And I cover my tears as we celebrate,
while a private war rages with the fear and the doubt,
As I try to run faster to find a way out
I'm convinced if I stumble they'll just cast me aside,
And mock at my weakness and shatter my pride.
'Cause I've watched as we've stoned the more hesitant soul.
So, we all must remember,
It's still God's grace we all need to know.
We all feel lost sometimes,
We all feel hurt,
and we all cry,
And we all need

It's been a while since my last post. I'm not sure why. It's just been rather quiet. But at the same time there is a lot going on. I'm just thinking, thinking about the future and how exciting yet uncertain it is. There will be a lot of changes in our family in 2008. I think of the things I am aware of now and suddenly I realize that there are many things that will happen that I'm not at all aware of today. It's just really good to know that God holds all the circumstances in His hands. I'm usually not at all content to stay home but lately that isn't true. I guess the cold and all the things running through my mind has made it easier. I've been praying a lot lately. Praying for the children that will be entering our family, the little one that will soon be born to my nephew and his wife, the little ones in Liberia who will be joining us very soon and the little one that will make my son a daddy this summer. WOW!! I pray for them all, these beautiful, lovely children given to us by God, entrusted to our care. I think of Riley and Trey going off to school and I see how quickly Evan is growing to be his own little person and I hope they grow up realizing that Nana's prayers will always be there for them. God help us to be the parents, grand-parents, aunts and uncles we need to be.

Well the Buckeyes lost and the sun came up. I wasn't a very faithful fan. I just couldn't bear to watch them get their butts beat. So now we can concentrate on basketball. I'm a little frustrated about far more important things. My dad continues to linger and it is getting more stressful by the day for my mom. There's just nothing there really but his body. I know he will be far happier once he gets to where he's going. But God reminded me a couple weeks ago that I'm not in control and I don't see things through His eyes. We just may have to make some decisions if it continues much longer and those won't be fun. He is getting very good care but it is very costly. I'm really trying to keep it in Gods hands.