Today I have a prayer for my family - all of my family.

My husband beginning another work week and juggling it with all the other responsibilities of life
My mom, watching her world change and trying to understand it all
My dad, not understanding anything
My daughter and son-in-law waiting to welcome new ones
My three grandsons growing up far too quickly
Our granddaughters in Liberia hoping to be loved by a mommy and daddy
My son trying not to look too far ahead into his unknown future
My new daughter-in-law carrying another beautiful miracle and hoping all is well when he arrives
My sister and brother-in-law moving once again
My nephew and new wife blending a family
Ryan and Ginger anxiously awaiting Zoe Ryan their healthy little miracle

May they all feel God's amazing and unconditional love sometime today in an overwhelming way!
As this day comes to a close may they know that no matter what, God loves them more than they can imagine, more than they can fathom.

I was really distracted this morning from the odds and ends I needed to do before leaving for an appointment. I recognized the feeling of needing to settle myself and hear what God had for me today. So....... being distracted I picked up my favorite book - "Disciplines for the Inner Life" and turned to the "distractions" chapter. I looked at Tuesday's scripture (today being Tuesday!) and it took me to 2Timothy 1:1-14. " for I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day." Then I saw a devotional entitled "Be Strong in God's Grace". Sounded good to me. It was about the Nazarene man that had been taken hostage in Iran in the 80's. I remembered this and had read it before but figured it couldn't hurt to read again. It's always good to be reminded of God's grace. It seems that this man was given a Bible and he turned to Isaiah 43:5 - "Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." He said those words felt as if God was making a promise to bring him home safely. I turned to Isaiah 43:5 and there next to this verse I had written "Mikey '98". I had claimed that promise for my son 10 years ago. God has been with my son all those years. He never leaves us sometimes we just are so distracted we don't realize He is there. Today I am claiming that same promise for the little girls we are trying to bring home from Liberia. Isaiah 43:1 says,"fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." He knows them, He knows their names and soon we will.

Well, we made it through another market! I think my re-entry is almost complete. I'm beginning to feel like myself again. Kerri and the boys will visit tonight. Steak and chicken on the grill. (Trey doesn't like "snake") I am slowly getting things moved into my downstairs work room. We are beginning to make room for Austin. Time is really going quickly. I figure I need to have the nursery finished by the time we leave for the beach. That is slightly over two months. I better get busy. We want to bring him home to a buckeye nursery. You can't start too young you know!! I keep hoping to hear some good news from Liberia. Hopefully this delay won't last too long. A lot of things are still in limbo but the answers will come when it is time. God holds that in His hands.
My dad seems to be sleeping a lot more than before. All he talks about is seeing his mom and dad. He thinks they are coming to visit him everyday. I never knew his mom and his dad died when I was in elementary school. It is sad but everyday he is closer to heaven. That too is in God's hands. God is graciously giving Mom what she needs each day. God is good.

I don't think I have ever posted from market. I am never totally thrilled about coming, but this time was very hard. My kids are going through so much back home but I had to come to the hard realization that I can't do anything about their situations. That is hard for me to swallow, but nevertheless, true. I've already had to talk Mike off the ledge and I will probably have to do it again. So, I am here and I pray for peace, guidance and joy for all of us as we go through this difficult part of our journey. My Dad seems to be fixated on his Mom and Dad. I think his heart is already in heaven. I pray that we will all be able to let go when the time comes.

Have you ever felt like "what could happen next?". We got Pup married, we're waiting to see what his future holds and now the adoption process has become a new nightmare. Adoptions in Liberia are on hold for how long, we don't know. Do they keep going forward or look in another direction? We are all feeling quite drained. The stress level can't go much higher. But underneath it all is the feeling that God is still in control and He has all the answers. If we could look forward, I'm not sure how all of our lives would look but one thing I do know - It will be o.k. Whatever my kids will face, they will go through it by the grace of God. And on the other side we will look back in amazement at how the waters parted. So for now, I will continue praying for His mercy in our lives and His protection for my son and his new wife, our unborn grandson, the beautiful little boys we have already been blessed with and the little ones, whoever they may be that God will deliver to Kerri and Eric in His own, perfect timing.

My baby boy is married!! I'm not sure I have processed that yet. But it was a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful day. So much of their future is unknown, but then again, that is true for all of us.
I realized that day that I have some wonderful friends. Their support was overwhelming and their love was real and genuine. I thank God for the people He has placed in our life to travel this journey with us.

I don't often post twice so quickly, but this is just too good to ignore. My wonderful son-in-law gave me a book by Henri Nouwen and I opened it to today's reading. WOW!! Why can other people put my feelings into words so much better than I? This says exactly what I am feeling. I'm sure you have been there.

"[There is] a time for mourning, a time for dancing" (Ecclesiastes 3:4). But mourning and dancing are never fully separated. Their times do not necessarily follow each other. In fact, their times may become one time. Mourning may turn into dancing and dancing into mourning without showing a clear point where one ends and the other starts.
****don't miss this part!! Often our grief allows us to choreograph our dance while our dance creates the space for our grief. We lose a beloved friend, and in the midst of our tears we discover an unknown joy. We celebrate a success, and in the midst of the party we feel deep sadness. Mourning and dancing, grief and laughter, sadness and gladness - they belong together as the sad-faced clown and the happy-faced clown, who make us both cry and laugh. Let's trust that the beauty of our lives becomes visible where mourning and dancing touch each other.

Our prayers are being answered in the midst of really hard circumstances. I'm finding that mourning and dancing take a lot of energy that only God can provide.

My son is getting married tomorrow. I am very happy. He is making good decisions and allowing God to be in those choices. I have real hope for his future. But sometimes with the storm howling, it is hard to sense that hope. I told Nicole last night that we just have to lock arms, put our heads down and plow through to the other side of the storm, because there is a beautiful life waiting there. We only have God to thank for that!

Easter - 2008 It couldn't have been better!! It was a beautiful, beautiful day from beginning to end. I was feeling a little heavy about everything but I was able to renew my hope today. He is risen, He is risen indeed!! Now we will prepare to celebrate Mike and Nicole and get ready for a beautiful wedding.

My friend Ruth found these little bears and they just seemed perfect for our little girls that will be coming to us soon. I keep them in my bedroom until the day comes I can hand them to them. They are a reminder to me to keep our little girls surrounded by prayer. We don't know what they look like or their names but we already love them. I know God is watching over them. We can't wait for the day when they arrive but until then, they will sit in my room (as long as Evan isn't around - one went missing for a few days!!) and I will pray. God bless you, little ones. He loves you and so do we.

Well, another week. I really have decided to let God handle all the stuff going on right now. However, I really wanted part of the deal to be that I could sleep through until He worked all this out. It would be nice to just wake up on the other side of it. But... that doesn't seem to be possible soooooooo another week!! We had a beautiful service Sunday at church. My sister says she gets through times like this by looking back, back at God's faithfulness. I was reminded of this song yesterday.

"He's been faithful, faithful to me
Looking back his love and mercy I see
Though in my heart I have questioned and failed to believe
Still He's been faithful, faithful to me."

It's good to know that we don't always have to be on our "A" game with God. He understands that when we are going through the battle it is sometimes hard to stay strong. His faithfulness isn't determined by the strength of our faith. He's a good God and good things are happening.

My little ones will come see me tonight. Their smiles and hugs and kisses keep me going. I taped the basketball game for Riley but I really don't want to be reminded of that disappointment. Looks like I will have to find another team to cheer for in the tournament. Eric's job is going well. What an answer to prayer!! The adoption seems to be moving along and Nicole is healthy and feeling good. Dad is fairly content and Mom is keeping her head up and actually going to exercise classes. My mom doing yoga - wish I had seen that!!

"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Well, I'm still alive. That which does not kill me makes me stronger!! I feel like I am on autopilot. This particular valley could take a long time to get out of. I really feel like I am walking blindfolded. The assurance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen - FAITH. That is where I am living at the moment. I have no earthly idea of what is ahead - but He does. I can't plan, I can't count the days, I can't even peek around the corner and see the end.

My words for this day:

I was sure by now that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining
And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are, no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand -
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord - The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

Have a blessed day.

Well, it was a week ago tonight that my world fell apart again. But as I sit here having survived, my son has finally stopped living in denial and is seeking help for his problem. This is a true answer to prayer. I don't have a clue what he is going to have to face because of his choices he made this past week but I do know that God is working and it is finally being seen in his life.
We also found out today that our new little one is a boy. Yes, another boy will be born in July and I'm sure he will be another beautiful gift from God. I don't pretend to understand what it is but I am resting in the knowledge that God has a plan and we will see it unfold. I am so glad that this plan doesn't depend on me. All that is required of me is to pray and trust. Trust when we can't see where He is leading. I'm sure that when we are on the other side of all this, there will be NO doubt that God was the one that got us there. So I am praising Him in advance.

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty.

You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holdin' on
But I feel like givin' in
But still You're with me.

And even though I'm walkin' through
the valley of the shadow,
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
and I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me.

I know I'm broken
but You alone can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
but You said you'd see me through the storm

It happens every year, about the same time. I turn into a crank. I start complaining about the crappy weather, the flu bugs no one can seem to shake and the fact that we never see the sun. And then I realize; those aren't things worth complaining about. If that's the best I can do then I need to shut-up!! So..... today I ask for forgiveness and then I ask that I see the beautiful miracles that are around me everyday. I found this verse in one of my favorite books of the Bible. I'll share it -

"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength,
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Is. 40:28-31

We All Need

From a cardboard hovel in a darkened street
To the well-lit windows of a penthouse suite,
All are desperate souls with a human fate,
And we protect ourselves within the walls we make.
And I stand in a corner, now, in my house of rest
And bow my head, beat my breast and say,
"God, please forgive me for this sinner's heart!
Though You show me your mercy,
It's the same old story keeping us apart."
And we all feel lost sometimes,
And we all feel hurt inside,
And we all cry, and we all need
The redeeming love of Jesus.
And I was raised with the lessons and the victory speech,
And I fought for the standards that I could not reach,
And I hold my tongue when the pain is great,
And I cover my tears as we celebrate,
while a private war rages with the fear and the doubt,
As I try to run faster to find a way out
I'm convinced if I stumble they'll just cast me aside,
And mock at my weakness and shatter my pride.
'Cause I've watched as we've stoned the more hesitant soul.
So, we all must remember,
It's still God's grace we all need to know.
We all feel lost sometimes,
We all feel hurt,
and we all cry,
And we all need

It's been a while since my last post. I'm not sure why. It's just been rather quiet. But at the same time there is a lot going on. I'm just thinking, thinking about the future and how exciting yet uncertain it is. There will be a lot of changes in our family in 2008. I think of the things I am aware of now and suddenly I realize that there are many things that will happen that I'm not at all aware of today. It's just really good to know that God holds all the circumstances in His hands. I'm usually not at all content to stay home but lately that isn't true. I guess the cold and all the things running through my mind has made it easier. I've been praying a lot lately. Praying for the children that will be entering our family, the little one that will soon be born to my nephew and his wife, the little ones in Liberia who will be joining us very soon and the little one that will make my son a daddy this summer. WOW!! I pray for them all, these beautiful, lovely children given to us by God, entrusted to our care. I think of Riley and Trey going off to school and I see how quickly Evan is growing to be his own little person and I hope they grow up realizing that Nana's prayers will always be there for them. God help us to be the parents, grand-parents, aunts and uncles we need to be.

Well the Buckeyes lost and the sun came up. I wasn't a very faithful fan. I just couldn't bear to watch them get their butts beat. So now we can concentrate on basketball. I'm a little frustrated about far more important things. My dad continues to linger and it is getting more stressful by the day for my mom. There's just nothing there really but his body. I know he will be far happier once he gets to where he's going. But God reminded me a couple weeks ago that I'm not in control and I don't see things through His eyes. We just may have to make some decisions if it continues much longer and those won't be fun. He is getting very good care but it is very costly. I'm really trying to keep it in Gods hands.

My sister sent me this prayer at the beginning of a new year and I would like to post it here as a prayer for anyone that might be reading this. I need this as I enter 2008.

"I stand between the years. The Light of My Presence is flung across the year to come - the radiance of the Sun of Righteousness.
Backward, over the past year is My Shadow thrown,
hiding trouble and sorrow and disappointment.
Dwell not on the past - only on the present...
bury every fear of the future...of suffering, of loss.
Bury all thought of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes,
your resentments your sense of failure,
your disappointments in others and in yourself...
leave them all and go forward to a new and risen life.
Remember you must not see as the world sees. I hold the year in My Hands -
in trust for you.
But I will guide you one day at a time. Leave the rest with Me.
You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead.
And for each day I shall supply the wisdom
and the strength."

Have a blessed New Year.

Well, another beautiful Christmas. It had it's rough moments without my Dad but we had a good time together and he was doing well when we went to see him.
2008 - it hasn't even arrived yet and it promises to be quite eventful. I just needed to post one of my favorite quotes; one that has seen me through a lot of twists and turns in my life. And with it I pray for a very blessed New Year for you all.

"The next hour, the next moment, is as much beyond our grasp and as much in God's care, as that a hundred years away. Care for the next minute is just as foolish as care for the morrow, or for a day in the next thousand years - in neither can we do anything, in both God is doing everything."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!